I wonder why…


Sometimes in the days coming up to a workshop I (Mairead) wonder why I do this. This scary thing of standing out in front of people and being real, being vulnerable. Why do I put myself through the torture… Not real torture, not physical torture, but a mind-constructed torture. My mind continuously telling me, it’s not going to go well… what if you forget something? …what if they hate it? …what if.. what if…

But what if I remember to be mindful? To be still, to be quiet? Then I would find a space, where I could sit for a moment and do nothing but allow the thoughts to come and go. I would feel my feet on the ground. I would feel my chest rising and falling. I would listen to the birds singing in the trees and I would start to smile at my thoughts. They are not me, they are my old thoughts trying to protect me, to keep me safe.

And I smile because now it’s my turn to keep me safe, keep me safe from these old thoughts! I find a space… for a moment I feel the ground under my feet, I feel my chest rising and falling, I hear the birds singing in the trees and I no longer wonder why I do this scary thing.


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